Five Quiet Ways Being a Victim Can Steal Your Happiness (And Simple Steps to Reclaim Control

 

Published on Sept 13, 2025 • Wellness / Mental Health

Thinking with the victim mindset isn’t a character flaw. It’s often a reflection of challenging circumstances, unfair systems, or other people’s actions. When it lasts, happiness can feel distant. This post outlines five common impacts and offers small, doable steps to reclaim control, rebuild relationships, and find meaning again— one moment at a time.

1) Loss of sense of self and self-control

Why it hurts

Feeling powerless erodes self-efficacy, motivation, and zest for daily life.

Gentle next steps

• Identify one decision you can make today, no matter how small.
• Create a tiny plan to achieve something that will bring you happiness: “Today I will …”
• Track one win, however minor, and acknowledge it.

Mini action plan

Today’s step: Choose one area you can influence (e.g., how you spend your evening). Do one thing in that area to bringa sense if happiness and note the result briefly.

2) Persistent negative self-perception and low self-esteem

Why it hurts

Internalizing fault or unworthiness lowers mood and confidence, reducing effort over time.

Gentle next steps

• Challenge harsh thoughts: ask, “What’s one piece of evidence for/against this thought?”
• Practice self-encouragement: talk to yourself the way you’d talk to a friend.
• List three strengths or past successes you’re proud of.

Self-compassion mini-practice

When a harsh thought arises, respond with: “I’m human, I’m learning, and I’m improving!”

3) Strained relationships and social isolation

Why it hurts

Victimization can push others away or deter you from sharing, reducing support and belonging, turning you into a bitter, mean, hermit crab hiding your gifts and light from the world.

Gentle next steps

• Reach out to one trusted person with a brief check-in.
• Set simple boundaries to protect your energy.
• If relationships are risky, consider safer communication (text or voice call).

Outreach plan

Draft message: “Hey, I’m going through a tough time and would value a quick check-in if you have a moment.”

4) Chronic stress and anxiety

Why it hurts

Ongoing stress drains energy, disrupts sleep, and fuels negative thinking.

Gentle next steps

• Try a brief grounding practice (see quick ritual below).
• Prioritize sleep, regular meals, and light movement.
• Create a “stress reset” ritual: 1-minute pause, slow breath, name a nearby safe place or person.

Quick grounding ritual

1. Inhale for 4 counts, hold 2, exhale 6.
2. Name five things you can see, four you can hear, three you can feel.
3. Take one slow, deliberate step.

5) Decreased sense of meaning and purpose

Why it hurts

If you feel stuck as a victim, future goals can feel distant, and daily life may lack meaning.

Gentle next steps

• Reconnect with small, meaningful activities aligned with your values.
• Set a tiny, future-oriented goal (something you’d enjoy or care about).
• Break big aims into bite-sized steps you can complete this week.

Values-aligned activity idea

Choose one activity that aligns with what matters to you (e.g., helping a friend, learning something new, creating something).

Conclusion

Reclaiming happiness starts with small, doable steps and compassionate self-talk. You don’t have to fix everything at once. Start with one area, be gentle with yourself, and gradually expand your circle of influence.

Quick-start action plan

• Practice these activities in the Oracle Alchemy Transformational Meditation Course in victorioustrainings.com/dailymed
• Practice Mindfulness and Universal Alignment to improve your mood from depressed to happiness! Fine-Tune Your Vibrational Frequency in the 30 Days of Gratitude Mental Detox Keep a simple journal: one line about what you did and how you felt afterward.

Optional resources (region-appropriate)

• Visit victorioustrainings.com for a free download for the Life Affirmation Kit that has mental wellness hotlines, local mental health resources, and coping tools
• Disclaimer about local resources and safety planning

Healing Begins in the Mind

Healing Begins in the Mind

The journey to healing starts with the mind. The brain, or mind, is the central hub where the nervous system and soul communicate with the body. This communication informs us when we are hurt or injured. The mind's control over the body's responses is incredible; it sends out white blood cells to repair damaged skin, activates antibody cells to fight against harmful free radicals, and triggers the lymphatic system to eliminate toxins from the body.

Trauma, however, leaves a significant imprint on the mind. It shapes our subconscious, influencing our fears, joys, desires, emotions, reactions, moods, and even the people and environments we attract. It also affects our capacity to love and show compassion to others.

If you want to stop living in hurt, misery, pain, and regret, you must seek the knowledge and wisdom of healing. Feeding your mind with healing wisdom prevents self-sabotaging behaviors that often arise as a defense against future pain. While you may not have been exposed to the natural healing processes of your body, mind, and soul, you now have the opportunity to embark on a journey toward eudaimonia—a state of happiness derived from self-actualization and purpose fulfillment.

During Victorious Trainings, Fine-Tune Your Frequency Mental Detox and 30 Days of Gratitude, you will experience a transformative shift in existence. This journey will encompass skepticism, self-awareness, social disconnect, mental detoxification, and a positive, spiritual, and healing overload. This is not due to an external force but through self-analysis, understanding Universal Laws, and embracing patience, love, acceptance, and release. These elements will foster growth, healing, and self-betterment.

Immerse yourself in the 30 Days of Gratitude practices each day. Use Visual Meditation and a Gratitude Journal to create VITAMIN meditations—visualizations of a life and relationships improved by these Universal Truths. These truths empower you to be, do, and have everything you desire.

Additionally, you will participate in the Spiritual Manicure during this 30-day process. This exercise opens the door to new truths, self-discovery, and positive self-image development. As I share my own experiences of trauma, healing, and overcoming challenges, I hope to illuminate the hope and light awaiting you at the end of the tunnel. 

Click Here to Embark on this journey with an open mind and heart, and discover the transformative power of healing that begins in the mind!

Decision Making and Fear

What motivates you to answer a question, make a decision, or setting short or long term goals?
Is it the desire to make your life or the lives of others better?
Is it the desire for money, power, and fame?
Is it to make it to heaven and escape the hands of the devil?
Or is it the desire to keep you from your greatest fears?
Seriously, if you think about the motive behind all your efforts, are you going to find that there is a small voice of thought and reasoning that will motivate you to achieve greatness, help heal sick, house the homeless, feed the hungry, take in an orphan, kill, steal, and do someone harm, and this motivation to do all these things come from the same place: SELF PRESERVATION, and most people's self preservation is stimulated by fear. The fear of being poor, being last, becoming extinct, going to hell, going to jail, or going without. Fear of loss of control is what motivates all lies... This county has manipulated African Americans for 500 years out of the fear they will loose control over us. The day we open our eyes to the truth of the fear inside the oppressing factor, is the day we will find our way to freedom.
It is like that with all forms of oppression, and manipulation.
What do you do out of fear that you think is helping you?
It's not helping you, it's helping Karma manifest your greatest fears in your present situation!
Do you go to church and follow the Bible just so you will not go to the lake of fire and eternal damnation?
With all the restrictions and prohibitions you place on the Spirit of God inside you, you are creating a world of hell on earth for yourself... Don't go to Hawaii, Lava is the lake of Fire!
If you try to control someone you say you love by your use of control, you are pushing the one you love away!
The most important thing we can do is make decisions from a place of love and over-standing purpose of situations and people, universal laws and karma. Decisions coming from this place your will no longer haunt you or linger around making you feel guilty. Decisions coming from this place will not only make sure your choices are healthy and prosperous for you, but for those around you as well. These choices will even help those you don't know.
We must realize that every decision we make is going to create a ripple affect in the world, and although our physical bodies may not be in the place, the affect of our decision on another person will go farther than we ever expected.

Idiot for Loving....

I don't say I don't believe in love, but I sure don't believe the #bullshitdisneylove that idiots believe and teach their kids to believe. When you love somebody you've learned them right? You've learned them and are able to stomach their bullshit and even when getting to know the person got dark, like 3 AM in the woods dark, you were able to still see the silver light shinning from somewhere in that person's personality and that small shimmer of light led you right back into the loving arms of knowledge and understanding and a true and deeper love to that person.
Is choosing to learn this person when it gets so dark, idiotic?
How much can a person learn about the person to fall out of love with them?
Can it be safe to say to a human being... " I am learning you so that I can fall in love with you."?
Why is it, a German descendant, can influence the world and the concept of love?
DISNEY DON'T KNOW LOVE IT KNOWS PROPAGANDA
Most the time we see systems on television and don't even realize, it's desensitizing us to make the most heinous shit imaginable, OK or make the impossible seem possible in our eyes, so that it can be easily accepted as it manifests itself into our world. It's real, think about the history of western television and the United States of America... you'd think with all the gun violence acted out by white men in these shows, black men wouldn't be labeled violent... but these shows made it OK for white men to kill all kinds of people. Making the savagery of the AMERICAN JIM CROW ERA normal... White people have always control media, and it is the way it has an influence over us all, from the foods we buy to the clothes we wear, car we drive and any other purchasing decision you as an individual make media has influenced it. And those thousands of idiots that are purchasing on the string ends of the puppet master, are loving and procreating at the ends of those strings too.
DATING WAS NOT EVEN A POINT IN DISNEY MOVIES.  How the fuck can happily ever after be determined by a fitting shoe a dance and a fucking fairy? Who the hell is anybody kidding? You can't be determining life decisions by the challenge of a fairy tale. These little "princesses" are glorified nothings to push somebody's agenda for "blind love". I bet you it's the mother fuckers that get paid for divorce, the government!
WHO SAYS I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU
NOBODY anymore. LOVE is a four letter word like FUCK and SHIT, put it all together you got LOVE is FUCK SHIT. Especially the way these people want you to believe it's supposed to be done. Why a person can't say, I am going to get to know you, and the more I learn you I will choose to fall for you or keep away from you. Why are we tricked out of the opportunity to learn to live with, cope with, then empowered to choose love with this person you've gotten to know. Being a hopeless romantic, find my way into relationships with guys who give me too much grief because I'm not willing to give up too much of myself to make them happy. The truth is I love myself too much to give me up for anybody, and I think I'd rather continue to learn people until I've learned myself in love.

Ohhh my GOD!!!!
Please tell me, where is a safety net in the world for black women. Cause I need to have a place where I don't have to worry about the status quo of the white is right bull shit. The manipulation of the black man and his pity party, then I need to run to the fun in the sun to escape the black girl magic shade of fellow"sistas" of the African American community. I don't know why the hell it feels like the freedom of the United States of America is offered to everybody in this country, except for the black woman. They say the Black (African American) woman is the most educated group of educated people in this country today, but did you know we are in more debt because of the pursuit of education so that at some point we can break the poverty line... Did you know that most of these women couldn't get the help to go to college, unless they are single parents??? Placing that young black woman, and sole provider to a young black child in a greater debt... who is already going to be getting paid less than any other man or woman in the work place. This place called United States of America wouldn't be the place it is without the black woman. Slaves were produced by black women, slavery produced American income... black women birthed the black men and women that invented things that made it possible for America to be considered "humane" and not "savage". Black women are responsible for the making and the downfall of our community, yet, I am concerned about the lack of concern on each of our parts to rebuild and regroup our people.

Have we lost hope? 
I was taught the negro spirituals, I actually know all the verses to the Negro National Anthem, and I know that we as a people don't even live no where near to where the hope of our ancestors. It's so fucked up the white man has fucked up our perceptions, even on life and death, to where the strength, hope, will-power, and honor of our forefathers that flows to us through the after life seems to be non existent because we feel like life ends after death. We are not taught to be together. It is so obvious we have no understanding of what unity is and where it will get us. Not just women not just men, but both men and women, standing together and loving one another without the need for sexual exchange. We put all our hope in a false and dying religion and now we feel like there is no hope because there is no savior. We doubt the power of our own minds, we doubt the power of our own will, we fail to understand the true meaning of wealth. If I went around the world with a wealth meter to all the black rich folk, I bet only 40 percent of the rich African Americans are actually wealthy. They are not in control of where they focus their attention and are not at liberty to spend their time where they choose... They are prisoners to the commitment to continue to make money. Then, they turn around and give the descendants of our oppressors even more control over them, and the rest of the "black nation" by saying being able to buy this and have that is what success and comfort is. Getting pissy drunk and introducing toxins into your body is going to help you enjoy your life, and bring on more problems and trigger disease causing cellular activity in your body. Every fucking reality television show aired is centered around too much alcohol and insecurity. In our freedom we are throwing away the hope that our ancestors held on to during hopeless situations. Taking freedom by the wings and soaring to the heights beyond the ancestors dreams... we have not. Build a systematic prison in the mind, we have- by the judging of each, and acceptance of the oppressor we have enslaved ourselves.

Portion of my Spiritual Mani 3-19-15

Soak: I feel undeserving of complete happiness at times, because it truly hasn't been something I've experienced. I've always second guessed myself in every way possible. I have a fear of being great. I want more from life, yet I find it difficult to give more of myself because I feel I have given all of me to the wrong things in life. I can't seem to stay above the water and out of trouble, even when I am not doing things. I am truly troubled within, so it is easy for trouble to surround me, but I am not allowing it tot overtake me. I am restless, yet I sleep hard waking up to need some real peace. I realize that I have psychological eating disorder. I feel it acceptable to go without eating because it has become apart of me. I don't throw up or binge. I just don't eat till it hurts physically. I often times allow my misfortunes to determine how I treat myself. I love me but I am not sure how to show myself the love I deserve because I feel so empty from giving so much to others for so long but never receiving anything to build on myself up. I spread myself too thin over places which are not fertile.

Scrub: I need to forgive my mom. She wanted me to be respectful so anytime I'd start to feel pretty or special she'd "put me in my place." This made me feel like it was wrong for me to think highly of myself. My mother did not make me feel this way, this feeling is the result of the way I processed her correction. Her correction taught me to be respectful no matter how I looked because beauty comes from the inside out, not the other way around. The ugliness that comes out of your mouth is what stains my beauty. I forgive myself in this misunderstanding, my taking stern correction further than what it was intended.
I also need to forgive my father. I took his absence personal and I never should have done that. I wish to God I knew how to discern the things in my childhood that had nothing and everything to do with me, and act accordingly. I wish that I was taught to think the way that I  wrote in my book, but I am happy that in some wild abstract way, I learned it.
I am an abstract learner... obviously, is that medically documented??? I have no idea. but if not, I have just discovered it, and it is all mine. Self discovery in scrubbing is everything!

Push Back the cuticles: The truth is being me is not a task, a burden, nor a crime, it is a gift which I have been granted to call my present each and everyday of my life.  I felt like all those negative things growing up, because my parents weren't able to provide me with things that amounted up to the others around me, but they provided me with what they did that made me who I am today. Now, I may not be rich but I am intelligent, and a great human being with frabjous characteristics. No I am not perfect, but I am honest in my imperfection, which makes me a lot better than others, who lie and are hypocritical. I accept people for who they are and don't hold them up to the same rule as I do myself because they are not me, and although we share the likeness of human body, functions, and capabilities they will never be me nor I them, so right is right in my book and right is right in theirs and so long as their right doesn't intrude me and my right in the wrong direction we can live happily in harmony.

Cut my cuticules: I need to stop being afraid to approach and address others on my own accord without fear. I personally live in a world where if I don't make an attempt to have interaction with the world, I really don't have to. It's one of the after shocks of living a life in secret depression. It comes from pushing so much out and holding no one close... throwing the baby out with the bathwater so to say.  Sometimes human interaction is hard because trusting people to be someone you want them to be is wrong and trusting them to be who they are going to be regardless of your expectations is right, yet feeling like your life's right and wrong have to be influenced by them is totally beyond our comprehension. We are taught that manipulation is wrong, yet manipulating silver, gold and other precious metals is a very trouble some task which brings forth valuable pieces of adornment. It is not the manipulating that is wrong yet the opposite is true, the right and wrong of manipulation is solely based on the motive and intention of the manipulator and the lasting affect on the manipulated and those on who depend on them. I need to live in accepting that since my motive is pure, it is okay and good to manipulate good things to happen for me, for those choose to participate and those who depend on them. I accept that the greatest gift I have is the power of positive manipulation. Positive manipulation is mine too... don't know if that's documented, but I documented it... you can't have it...